Poetry and Bananas?
by MinervaEvenstar
Summary: There's a poetry contest and each member of Weiss and Shwartz decide to enter. WARNING: May cause you to laugh your head off.
1. In Order to Insult

Disclaimer: Unfortunately...I - I :bursts into sobs: don't own Weiss Kreuz!

_Minerva's Note:_ For this tale I took some of my favourite lines from a few of my other fics so you lot could enjoy them. Most of it is original for this fic, though. The story is more humour than romance, however, the small amount of romance that is present happens to be OmiNagi, so don't read it if that shall bother you. Hopefully, you'll all enjoy and review!

**Poetry and...Bananas?**

_Chapter 1 **In Order to Insult**_

Schwartz and Weiss were going to pick up their youngest members from the library. They located them partaking in an activity in a secluded corner.

"Omi, don't touch that!" Ken exclaimed. "Do you even know where it's been?"

"Sure, I do. Nobody would know better than me," answered Omi cheerfully. He and Nagi were doing a science experiment with banana peels.

Aya questioned briskly, "Did either of you learn anything while you were doing this for hours when you could've been training?"

Nagi glanced at Omi. "I learned what they say isn't true: cats don't have small bananas."

Schuldich rolled his eyes. "If you wanna screw a kitten that's your deal. Leave out the details."

Omi's cheeks reddened. (**Minerva's Note:** I'm referring to his face.) He and Nagi were not yet intimate. He had not even, to Omi's dismay, told him that he loved him.

"Don't use bad language in front of the chibis." Yoji wagged a finger in mock disapproval.

Farfarello looked up from the wooden crucifix he was stabbing. "What's a chibi? Do they hurt God?"

"We're chibis," explained Omi, gesturing to himself and Nagi. "Can't you see the small statures and round faces with big, adorable eyes?"

Everyone involuntarily sweatdropped with stupefaction and bewilderment.

"Oh." Farfarello stared at the chibis. "Which one of you is the bitch?"

'The author should've given me that line,' thought Schuldich.

Eradicating the opportunity for a reply, Crawford instructed, "Let's get out of here so I can finish what I was reading."

The telepath noticed a magazine sticking out of Crawford's pocket. "What are you so anxious to get back to reading?" Without invitation he grabbed the magazine. Once he read the title he burst into laughter. It was Poetry Today.

Crawford snatched it back and indignantly defended his choice of literature, "It happens to be very exciting. They're having a poetry contest."

"Planning to enter?" Aya queried. His face was neutral, but his cold eyes were taunting.

With an unreadable expression he responded, "Perhaps."

"Women love poetry," remarked Yoji thoughtfully. "Maybe I should enter."

"You'd never beat me," scoffed Crawford.

"How do you know?"

"Whatever, we'll all enter. Let's just get out of here," Farfarello hissed vehemently, glaring at a nearby bookshelf that had a bible on it.

"Fine. I'll agree to anything to get away from them." Aya indicated Schwartz by jerking his head in their direction. Why did Omi have to date a villain?

So, Weiss and Schwartz both headed to their respective headquarters to compose their art.

Reading Nagi's mind, Schuldich commented, "Writing about Omi, huh? I'll steal your idea."

Knowing that the German was probably only attempting to infuriate him and would not ever write anything about a Weiss member, Nagi ignored him. To his shock Schuldich soon handed him a piece of paper. It was undeniably about Nagi's boyfriend, though it wasn't something Nagi would write.

_Omi   
Orgasms  
Made  
Incredible_

Resisting both the urge to blush and the impulse of throwing Schuldich into a wall, Nagi calmly stated, "That's an acronym, not a poem." He headed towards his bedroom.

"Nagi, wait." Ordinarily the telekinetic would not have adhered to the command, however, it was Crawford that said it so he complied. "Read this. It's a haiku." Since Crawford was immensely logical Nagi was unsurprised that the sentence provided the reader with counsel.

_Whenever I feel blue I start breathing again._

"It's not the proper amount of syllables to be a haiku," Nagi pointed out.

The light dangerously glinted off of Crawford's spectacles. All small children within a 100-metre radius began screaming. "What do you know? You're just a prodigy."

"I know that a cow has four stomachs and an octopus has three hearts."

"That's great," Crawford volunteered, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Farfarello fetched a towel and cleaned up the sarcasm that had dripped.

Nagi elegantly raised an eyebrow, a massive display emotion for him, and strolled into his room closing the door behind him to enable himself to work in peace. He typically kept an affective façade on his actions, thus he delighted in expressing himself with words.

"Want to hear my poem?" Farfarello asked his two remaining teammates.

"No," said Crawford, "but I foresee you're going to tell us anyway."

Farfarello recited, "Everything can be solved by being violent.  
You must be evil to live 'cause evil is live backwards, I think.  
Corpses should be used to decourate for an event.  
Blood, blood everywhere and plenty of drops to drink.  
Nothing is Heaven-sent."

"Uh, it definitely rhymed," remarked Schuldich.

Farfarello grinned. "What'd you think, Brad?"

"It's Crawford, dammit!" Why did his teammates persist in referring to him by that name when they were aware that he abhorred it?

"Sorry, What'd you think, Crawford-Dammit?"

"I thought the lines were decent, but they didn't make much sense when you put them together."

"That doesn't matter," argued Farfarello. "The lyrics to our show's theme song are good lines that don't make sense when you combine them."

Crawford asked Schuldich, "Did you give him his medication today?"

"No, it was your turn."

"I wear the designer suit. I don't have a turn."

"You're living proof shit can grow legs and walk."

"You're flat as a board and easy to nail."

"You said that insult could only be used on girls."

"I changed my mind."

"If you changed your mind what did you do with the diaper?"

"You wouldn't know. You should talk to a palm reader instead of another mind reader since I know you've got a palm."

Farfarello interrupted, enraged, "What do you mean 'medication?' You told me those were Skittles, and I actually like those candies!" Rotting one's teeth punishes the Lord.

"I need a holiday," muttered Crawford.


	2. In Order to Threaten

Disclaimer: Unfortunately...I - I :bursts into sobs: STILL don't own Weiss Kreuz!

**Poetry and...Bananas?**

_Chapter 2 **In Order to Threaten**_

An hour after returning to the flower shop Ken had completed his composition. He skipped out of his room, assuring himself it was a very manly skip, to show the others.

_Balls  
Balls come in all shapes and sizes,  
But it's the hard ones that everyone prizes.  
Yes, large balls that bounce,  
Are the ones that athletes flounce,  
And give their children to use,  
So when they're older they'll get action and never lose._

Yoji stared at Ken over his sunglasses. "Feeling horny since Yuriko left?"

Omi's innocent gaze drifted from Ken's untidy scrawl to his blond friend. "Ken wrote about soccer. What does that have to do with horns?"

"I need a cigarette," sighed Yoji. "Or women. Or both."

Shrugging at Yoji, Omi informed Aya, "I saw Sakura at school yesterday."

"So?"

Ken insisted, "You know you love her."

"You have no clue what you're talking about."

"Ooh, sensitive subject?" teased Yoji. "Well, we'll just have to talk about something else."

Knowing where Yoji intended to redirect the conversation, Aya icily demanded, "Don't go there."

"I _am_ going to go there. I'm going to go there, buy a souvenir, and come back again." Yoji smirked. "Your orange sweater is hideous and clashes with your red hair."

That was it; he had insulted the jumper! Aya punched Yoji in the stomach none-too-gently, though not as forcefully as he could have. "Aya-chan got me that sweater before she went into a coma."

"You gave me a brilliant idea for a poem!" declared Omi. "Thanks, Aya." He hugged the redhead.

"Affection! It burns!" He pushed Omi away. "Save the touchy-feely stuff for your boyfriend."

"Okay," concurred Omi pleasantly. He sat at his computer desk and shoved aside the remnants of his ice cream sundae and his rejected couplet beginnings:

_Computers are fun;  
Everybody should have one. _

_Flowers are nice,  
Especially when sold by Weiss _

_This is something I should have told Ouka a lot:  
Get one thing straight, I'm not._

Then, the chibi proceeded to write something new.

"Don't be so hard on Omi," Ken protested to Aya. "He's still going through puberty."

"Thanks, Ken, but it's okay," Omi called from his bedroom. "I've suffered worse. He didn't mean to, but Nagi really banged my banana hard earlier."

After a moment of awkward silence Yoji observed, "See, Ken, he wasn't offended."

"Stay out of this, slinky!"

"I'm like a kid's toy?"

"Yep. Slinkies aren't good for anything, yet I can't help but smile when I watch them tumble down the stairs."

"You're just saying that 'cause you're jealous that I'm sexier than you are."

Ken shook his head and joked, "I'll never understand your perspective. I can't get my head that far up my ass."

"Oh yeah? Can I borrow your face; _my_ ass is going on vacation?"

"That's the best retort you've got? You're definitely a natural blond."

Wanting to put an end to their banter, Aya supplied, "This is my poem:  
My friends are the best, they truly are,  
But sometimes I want to beat them into tar  
So if they turn up dead one morning  
Don't say I didn't give you a warning."

"I should go water the plants." Ken departed hastily.

"I've gotta write my poem. Then I need to pee. In fact, I have to q, r, s, and t," Yoji hurriedly explained ere exiting.

Their fearful reactions caused the corners of Aya's mouth to twitch, though not enough to qualify it as a smile.

**Minerva's Note:** Come on, everybody! I got 101 hits and only 1 review last chapter; that's not fair! So, I now I won't update unless I get…um…6 reviews. Is that too much to ask?


	3. In Order to Lie

Disclaimer: Unfortunately...I - I :bursts into sobs: will NEVER own Weiss Kreuz!

**Poetry and...Bananas?**

_Chapter 3 **In Order to Lie**_

The following month when Manx brought Weiss the video that dictated their next mission she also brought the most recent issue of Poetry Today.

"You might find this interested. I certainly did," she articulated.

Weiss gathered around the magazine and flipped to the pages regarding the contest. Three finalists had been selected. The winner would be announced in the next issue. The finalists were:

_Something I learned by Omi Tsukiyono  
Aya is usually very cold.  
My other friends think his attitude gets old,  
So sometimes they tease him.  
Then he'll attack them on a whim.  
Something I learned from this (don't scoff)  
Is to never piss Aya off. _

_Math by Yoji Kudou  
Add a bedroom  
Subtract clothes soon  
Open the thighs  
And go multiply! _

_A Lie by Nagi Naoe  
Whenever I feel your touch  
I tend not to  
Say very much.  
I could say you're a dream come true.  
I could say you're my earth, my sun, and my sky.  
I could say you make my spirit whole,  
But any of those would be a lie.  
Naught can describe the feeling in my soul.  
'Love' is not enough;  
I need a word that is new.  
Until there is one I'll remain silent, though it's rough  
Because I do not wish to lie to you. _

"Oh, Nagi," Omi whispered softly to himself.

"Yeah! I'm in the finals!" Yoji cheered, thinking he was awesome because he indeed was. He draped his arm around Manx's shoulders. "Prodigy's poem makes you think about me, doesn't it?"

She shrugged off his arm. "Go fall off of a cliff." At his affronted expression Manx elaborated, "The fall from a cliff doesn't kill you. The abrupt stop does."

Omi gasped, "You don't really want that to happen to Yoji, do you?"

Before Manx had the chance to respond, Yoji told Omi, "If you say gullible backwards it sounds like banana."

"Elbillug...No, it doesn't."

"See? You tried it; that means you're gullible, and only gullible people would consider believing Manx wants my perfect body damaged."

Manx shook her head irritably. "Yoji's afraid to admit the truth."

Loyally, Omi stood up for his friend despite the fact that he had attempted to make him seem ignorant a second ago. "Afraid? Yoji doesn't know the meaning of the word fear."

Ken quipped, "He doesn't know the meaning of most words."

Sensing that another ludicrous argument was about to ensue, Omi picked a bunch of yellow fruit off of the kitchen table and ambled towards the exit.

"Where are you going?" inquired Aya crisply. "You haven't even heard what the assignment is yet."

"Count me out of this one," the youngster called over his shoulder as he disappeared from view. "I want to congratulate Nagi on his poem and have him eat my banana."

Manx blinked in mild shock. "Did I hear him correctly?"

Aya nodded once.

"And the computer expert didn't realise how perverted that sounded?" She desired confirmation for her suspicions.

"Of course not," Ken said.

Yoji added, "He's Omi, after all," as if that explained and excused everything.

"True," Manx admitted, and she put in the video.

Crawford looked at Nagi from over the top of his issue of Poetry Today. "You made the finals." It was a neutral statement, not praise. Nagi did not expect any.

Nagi inclined his head to show that he had heard him, however, his face betrayed nothing that he felt about the matter. He was not elated, he was nervous, for he was aware that Omi would have read it.

Farfarello suggested, "Hey, Crawford-Dammit, let's burn down the churches to celebrate his success."

"I'm going to shower and go see Omi." Nagi declined the recommendation.

Schuldich smirked. "Can I come?"

"To the shower?"

"No, to the flower shop. Sorry to break your little heart, but you're too short for me."

Nagi queried warily, "Why do you want to come?"

"To annoy Weiss. I've got nothing else to do."

"Absolutely not."

"How come?"

"That ought to be obvious."

"Well, it's not."

"That's your problem." The telekeietic promptly bathed and left, utterly disregarding the others' presence.

"Schuldich is offended," commented Schuldich.

Not certain he wanted to learn the answer, Crawford questioned, "Why are you referring to yourself in third person? It's weird enough when Tot does it, but when you do it...Just answer the question."

"Nagi acted like Schuldich wasn't here, so Schuldich is making it apparent that he's here."

"Are you on something?"

"If so, can I have some?" Farfarello chimed in.

"Just what I need: stoned and high psychics," mumbled Crawford caustically. "God, help me."

"God?" Farfarello leapt up licking one of his numerous blades menacingly. "Where?"

Nagi and Omi went to the store to buy ice cream in order to create banana splits with Omi's bananas for no reason other than the author wanted them for the plot.

(The readers exclaimed, "There's a plot!")

They were currently eating them beneath a shady tree in a deserted park.

"Your poem was wonderful," complimented Omi with his paradigmatic chipper smile.

Nagi did not thank him for the encouraging remark. Living with Schwarz caused him to be unaccustomed to positive annotation and he was still unsure of how to accept it, yet the minute alteration in his body language indicated that he appreciated it. He elected that moment to reveal something to Omi that he had been intending to for a fairly long time. Expressing himself was not Nagi's greatest skill, though he did his best. He brushed Omi's wan cheek with slender fingers. Light blue eyes connected with dark ones. Coolly, but sincerely, he elucidated, "I meant what I said in the poem Omi. I, for lack of a better word, love you."

The blond dropped his spoon in surprise and was quiet for a moment.

"Omi, a reaction with words would be nice."

"I love...I love-"

"What?" Nagi kept the hoefullness from his voice; fate had never been kind to him before. Would it start now?

"I love ice cream." Apparently not. Omi took the telekinetic's hand from his cheek and clutched it firmly to his palm. "And I love you."

Yay, God undoubtedly did exist! (Nagi made a mental not to inform Farfarello.) Or a fan fiction writer that really liked him. It did not matter which. He took his unoccupied fingers and joyfully set them to work.

"N-nagi?"

"Yes?"

"That's my banana..."

"I know."

**Minerva's Note:** Well, that's it! A short fic, I know, but hopefully cute and amusing too. Please tell me what your favourite poem was! Personally, I like Omi's and Nagi's.


End file.
